Today was spent doing final "nesting" things, but mostly finishing the nursery. My mother-in-law, "M," was adamant that we get the nursery finished and she made sure that happened. Thank goodness! I was so happy to have her help and love that she is so talented at decorating. I'm now completely ready to welcome this little man home...well, I still have to finish packing my hospital bag. Sigh...
"M" helped me all day - painting, sewing, hanging artwork, shopping, and organizing. And then, we went to Buca di Beppo for my "last meal" as a prego lady. Check out that huge tummy! Our final family photo as a family of THREE. Bring on #4!
And then, a bitter-sweet moment for me: putting Holland to bed for the last time before this new, little man joins our family. I've been so torn lately with feelings of guilt. I burst into tears now and then (read: OFTEN!) with such mixed emotions and my heart literally aches! I question a lot of things: Did I get pregnant too soon? Is Holland going to be jealous? Will she like her little brother or resent him? Is there anyway I can love another child as much as I love this little girl of mine? Is Holland going to feel replaced and/or left out? Is she going to be mad at me? Am I forcing her to grow up too fast? Will she still let me rock her to sleep...?
As I sang and rocked my little girl I cried and cried - some of the tears were sadness and some of them were joy. I never imagined I would love motherhood as much as I do. And, I never imagined I could love a little person as much as I do. I feel so unworthy of this amazing blessing and responsibility. I hope I don't mess up!